Thoughts, Feelings and Mood - a blog by Ashutosh N. Matai

What is that one burning wish that you've had at some point that you couldn't put away? What is that one superpower that you've always wanted? What is it that you desire most, more so than even your life? Questions like these give a glimpse into a person's soul. But who are we to ask such questions when we do not know the answers to them for ourselves? How then, do you expect to truly know a person - their likes, dislikes, general preferences and outlook on life? How is it that some people can glean a lot about a person by just looking at them while others struggle to even comprehend their simplest actions? And what must one look at when they desire to understand someone irrespective of whoever they are to them - a friend, an enemy, a lover or a sibling? The true nature of a person's essence is always shrouded in mystery. Until you pick up their collection of music. For one mind to relate to another, for one soul to try and connect with another, music forms...

I think I have an obsession with poetry, with words that touch the soul. I long to write my masterpiece, a few words that strike you for a moment when you're in your most solemn state of mind. I may still be a novice when it comes to words, for I can never seem to say the right words when the moment calls for it, but I do hope I can still touch souls. So here's an attempt at wanting to touch souls by sharing a glimpse of what my very own says. In Hindi: बिखरी बिखरी सी लग रही है ज़िन्दगी  सहमी सी हवाएँ ठहर गयी है अब यहाँ  इन सहमी हवाओं, बिखरे ज़िंदगानी को गुज़र जाने दो  खो जाने दो इस लम्हे को  और पलभर में छू लो अपनी आज़ादी को  कैद से है लबों पर बोल मेरे  कैद है इस पल में साँसें हमारी  ये कैसा मोड़ है, कैसी साज़िश है  जोह ख़ामोशी में केह देती है नाजाने कितनी बातें  है ही कितना वक़्त अब? इस वक़्त के दरमियाँ को हम आबाद कर चले  जी चले हम पलभर में सदियाँ हज़ार  अब जी चले हम, हम बीत चले।  In Hin...

Do you find yourself waking up in the middle of a 15° night, panting, sweating, shaking to the bone? Do you find anxiety to be an irreplaceable companion that chooses to linger when you clearly don't want it to? Do you walk to the mirror just to check if your face still belongs to you, if the horrors that you've dreamed of still have a place behind your eyes? Every now and then, so do I. It began abruptly, due to things better left unsaid, circumstances better left undescribed. Swift as was its scythe, it chose to rip apart the very fabric of my psyche and turn my rationale into all but a joke. Many have fallen prey to such illness, and it has claimed the lives of several thousand. Mental illness is no joke. It takes therapy to treat oneself, and medicine can only take you so far - or so they say. I wish someone out there said this more often - it is possible to fight mental illnesses by yourself. I've fought depression and anxiety. Simultaneously. I still fight it w...