Thoughts, Feelings and Mood - a blog by Ashutosh N. Matai

I bought a dress, said she Black as the colour of the grime on your arms As you parley with the foreman for a quick break Only to sneak across the road from your workplace And steal a glance at me. I bought some lipstick, said she Red as the colour of my velvet lace To match your bloodstained handkerchief As you wipe your wounds dry I watch you yonder. I bought an earring silver, Silver as the stars tonight, silver as the glistening mist That settles upon the grass, come dawn, As I watch you leave yet again, To tire endlessly, afresh. I bought instruments and objects, galore And yet I have no use of them As I watch, nay, I stare, You toil intensely, anew, every single day. What use, pray tell, have I of riches, When they cannot buy me you?

Lay down on a starry night, look up in the sky and ponder over the topic of trust. Ask all the questions you can and maybe, just maybe, you'll find the right questions. What is trust? Trust is an elusive mistress that sneaks into your life when you're vulnerable, whispers into your ear assurances based on fallacies and asks you to believe in her when you really ought to put as much distance between her and yourself as you can. Trust is the eye-catching, gallant and virile man who runs his fingers across your arms and around your neck, pulls you closer and despite the heightened sense of glee, puts you at ease. Trust leeches onto you and takes away all your secrets, lays bare your weaknesses, open to exploitation and defenceless. Whom should you trust? That's the billion-dollar question, isn't it? Whom should you trust? Your friends? The people you work with? Your family? Or perhaps someone who whole-heartedly love? I say you ought to trust everyone - trust

The biggest boon to our species is arguably the use of language and the availability of over a hundred thousand words in our languages to give our thoughts shape and communicate effectively. And therein lies the problem. Despite this huge boon, most of us seem to be unable to communicate properly. That's fine, but it leads to people interpreting things differently. I, for one, prefer straight, direct communication above all. I do not tolerate half-truths and lies and I find it extremely difficult myself to lie. Therefore, I simply choose a course of action and stick to it. Now, keep in mind that in such situations, you never know what the right course of action is. You can only guess at what the right thing to do would be, but do not, I repeat, absolutely do not compromise on your standards or expectations. Do not let your ego take a hit, remind yourself that any honest person deserves the same kind of honesty back in return. After all, do onto others as you would have done ont

Thoughts, wretched thoughts, Why strike me down so? Keep me awake, keep me aghast Thy torment is unparalleled. Emotion, dissolute emotion, A man must avoid at costs unspoken. Tear my walls, churn my gut, Thy burn has no soothing. Impulse, Desire and Yearning, O sisters three, mistresses of my nights, Much too fickle, reinless and free, What remedy cures thy sting? Maladies of the mind, Incorrigible disorders of the heart, Chain me up and rip me to shreds But do not let me succumb to hope. Hope, O merciful lady of mine, Blissful ignorance I crave from thee. Afraid, terrified, horror-stricken I am. Capricious thou are, I know not when Thy nature be true, or false, I know not, I cower from thee, distrustful. And yet it is precisely to hope that I cling, I flirt, frolic and find myself fond with thee .

What is that one burning wish that you've had at some point that you couldn't put away? What is that one superpower that you've always wanted? What is it that you desire most, more so than even your life? Questions like these give a glimpse into a person's soul. But who are we to ask such questions when we do not know the answers to them for ourselves? How then, do you expect to truly know a person - their likes, dislikes, general preferences and outlook on life? How is it that some people can glean a lot about a person by just looking at them while others struggle to even comprehend their simplest actions? And what must one look at when they desire to understand someone irrespective of whoever they are to them - a friend, an enemy, a lover or a sibling? The true nature of a person's essence is always shrouded in mystery. Until you pick up their collection of music. For one mind to relate to another, for one soul to try and connect with another, music forms

I think I have an obsession with poetry, with words that touch the soul. I long to write my masterpiece, a few words that strike you for a moment when you're in your most solemn state of mind. I may still be a novice when it comes to words, for I can never seem to say the right words when the moment calls for it, but I do hope I can still touch souls. So here's an attempt at wanting to touch souls by sharing a glimpse of what my very own says. In Hindi: बिखरी बिखरी सी लग रही है ज़िन्दगी  सहमी सी हवाएँ ठहर गयी है अब यहाँ  इन सहमी हवाओं, बिखरे ज़िंदगानी को गुज़र जाने दो  खो जाने दो इस लम्हे को  और पलभर में छू लो अपनी आज़ादी को  कैद से है लबों पर बोल मेरे  कैद है इस पल में साँसें हमारी  ये कैसा मोड़ है, कैसी साज़िश है  जोह ख़ामोशी में केह देती है नाजाने कितनी बातें  है ही कितना वक़्त अब? इस वक़्त के दरमियाँ को हम आबाद कर चले  जी चले हम पलभर में सदियाँ हज़ार  अब जी चले हम, हम बीत चले।  In Hinglish: Bikhri bikhri si lagg rahi hai zindagi