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A Tryst with Trust

Lay down on a starry night, look up in the sky and ponder over the topic of trust. Ask all the questions you can and maybe, just maybe, you'll find the right questions.

What is trust?

Trust is an elusive mistress that sneaks into your life when you're vulnerable, whispers into your ear assurances based on fallacies and asks you to believe in her when you really ought to put as much distance between her and yourself as you can. Trust is the eye-catching, gallant and virile man who runs his fingers across your arms and around your neck, pulls you closer and despite the heightened sense of glee, puts you at ease. Trust leeches onto you and takes away all your secrets, lays bare your weaknesses, open to exploitation and defenceless.

Whom should you trust?

That's the billion-dollar question, isn't it? Whom should you trust? Your friends? The people you work with? Your family? Or perhaps someone who whole-heartedly love?

I say you ought to trust everyone - trust people to serve themselves should the opportunity present itself. Trust people to abandon you when they no longer have use of you. And trust them to lie sweetly to your face and pretend that they care about you.

Do not mistake my words - I have great friends, an amazing family and people that genuinely love me and yet I know better than to trust them to never betray me. What I want you, dear reader, is to burn this into your consciousness - Always anticipate everything. Would your friends stab you in the back? Definitely. Would your family lie to you? Absolutely. What can you do about it? Nothing. Just brace yourself for the news one day, assuming that you do find out about the deception (which you most likely never will), and carry on with your life, unaffected, undaunting, unwavering.

How does one detach themselves enough?

Luckily for you dear reader, the only way to learn this lesson is to have your trust broken over and over again until you become numb enough to not notice when deception pricks you. Or you could go on a trip by yourself and learn to meditate and find unparalleled peace when you're by yourself. Only by trusting yourself to be strong enough can you ever be free. Only through experience can you learn and grow.

So why bother gaining the trust of others?

If you're anywhere close to the idealistic idiot that I am you would bother gaining the trust of others solely because you ought to be honest, open and dependable. You would bother not for your own sake, but for the sake of the person in front of you, the person in question. If not, why else but to take advantage of it for selfish purposes someday?

Note that I while I write about dark, bitter truths of the world and lessons most people would rather ignore, I am still hopeful. Hopeful that in my quest to be completely honest and dependable, it is reasonable for me to expect the same from a select few, if not most people. I long for my inner circle, and while I believe I may already have one to begin with, I am sensible enough to never take anything or anyone for granted.

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Hi! I'm Ashutosh Matai, a 20-something-year-old that enjoys programming, reading and tackling problems. Yep, you read that right - I enjoy facing problems. No, I'm not a masochist (laughs nervously), but I am someone who has seen a handful of things go down. I've been under crippling depression and anxiety, I've lost sight of my life and seen a lot of family drama. Suffice to say, in my 20-something-years of existence, I have truly learned. So here's my two cents, accompanied by the occasional poem. I hope you take something of my experiences and make your own lives better, for you, dear reader, are in for a hell of a ride.